The Edge of Burn Out

I’m always so tired.   I sleep but when I wake, it feels like I haven’t slept at all.  I feel myself growing angry and resentful.  I feel myself growing depressed more and more each day.  But each day, I put on a mask so no one knows how I truly feel. 

My profession and home life seemed to have merged so I can never fully shut down or turn it off.   Taking care of everyone 24/7.   I want to scream, “Someone take care of me for a change.” But I feel so selfish for thinking and/or wanting that.  

I want to be left alone even if for a few hours.   Free to do anything I want and no one bother me.   Yes I sleep, but honestly I do not count that as free time.   That is so I don’t get sick from exhaustion.   

House is always a mess no matter what I do.  No one living here will fully help me deal with it and clean it.   All make excuses or just abandon me altogether.   

And they wonder why I’m so angry or lack interest in anything.   I’m getting to the point where I don’t like being touched that often.   Someone always on me, touching me, pulling at me.  It’s driving me insane.  I can’t even take a shower or bath uninterrupted.   I use to love soaking in a nice hot bath.  Now it’s like, why bother?   

I’m forgetting to bathe, forgetting to eat.   Forgetting things just said to me or said to me earlier that day or week.  

I’m burning out.  I don’t know how to fix it.  I don’t know how to save myself from it.  I don’t know how relight my flame.   I’m on the edge of burn out.