What I Need

*Trigger Warning*

I can hear it. I can hear it screaming deep within. I feel it. I feel it clawing at my insides, trying to surface. I feel my skin itching and crawling. Something in me aching. Something in me needing. The usual relief doesn’t help. The candle wax dripping and running over my skin doesn’t quiet it. Doesn’t seem to even scathe it. I know what I need. I think it’ll quiet it. I need you dominating me, putting me in my place. Make me quit thinking. Shut my mind off. Your hand wrapped around my throat just right sending me into that euphoric place where I seem to float. There’s just you and me there. I need you to hold me in place as it crawls back within and silences once again. When it quiets, your hand stays there before slowly easing up to bring me back from the happy place. When you let go, I’ll be back. Your eyes still locked in a stare with mine. Your eyes and voice coaxing me back to reality. Breathing is now easier. Thinking is now easier. All of it will seem easier until the next time it decides to creep back out. Then the whole process will begin again. My euphoric place where all I see is you and feel you holding me still. It’ll be a sweet release.