People know about the hot flashes, night sweats, moodiness and maybe broken sleep. Let me tell you what most don't know unless they've gone thru it or know someone who is going thru it. Brain fog...forgetting why you went in a room or forgot to do something. Hot flashes that make your whole body a furnace where you can't control the temperature. Moodiness? The menopausal rage over the slightest inconvenience or annoyance. Overstimulation comes very easily and out of nowhere. Heart palpitations that make you think you're going to die. The anxiety and panic attacks that come out of nowhere. The paranoia at times.
Looking in the mirror and not recognizing yourself. Seeing someone you don't know and can't stand the sight of. With that planted in your head, you start to wonder if that's why your spouse/partner/whomever doesn't really touch you even affectionately without you initiating or something being said or begging. Then it makes you question how genuine it is when they do it. Is it real or are they doing it so you'll stop being a pain?
It's all these changes that turn you into something you don't understand or recognize. I guess one good thing besides the obvious of no periods, you kind of wake up. You see all that you tolerated, gave up, missed out on. It makes you sad and angry at the same time. Then it becomes "This is my healing. This my era of being the woman I was/am supposed to be," and you also become unapologetic for starting to be "selfish" and do things for you and be happy in your own ways and not by someone else's standard.
So there is the pros and cons to it. It is a journey but there will be a light at the end of that tunnel. God, I pray it is a happy one for me. Because right now I am struggling with it all and finding myself.
